Whispers Romance

Marriage Problems: Common, But Never Simple
by Rene Graeber

You may think the common problem is because he leaves the toothpaste cap half on or that she keeps on coming back with a new dent on the car.

It is a scary thought - the idea that maybe tomorrow one of you will just come up to the other and say, "I think don't want to be married to you anymore."

One may think they're ready for it, but the truth is, they never are. They see it coming from a distance, but unfortunately, they were too preoccupied with the problem, they forgot to look for a solution.

And that is what is commonly happening with married couples today. There is so much anticipation on looking out for the telltale marriage trouble signs that once the problem is in your face, hardly anything is done about it.

What are these "common marriage problems" that are being talked about so often? A lot will tell you these problems fall in any of these three categories: career and finances, fidelity and personality.

Strained marriages are rocked by problems from all of these categories but the marriages that survive do so because they addressed the problem properly and looked for a solution - together.

So just how do you actually do that? It is both simple and complex.

It is simple because it just requires you to admit to yourself and to your spouse that you have a problem. On the other hand, it is complex because both of you may not agree on what exactly the problem is and the solution for it.

For both of you to reach an agreement, you must be able to both listen and articulate. Listen first to what your spouse thinks is the problem that's driving you apart.

After he/she has said her part, then carefully tell her what's on your mind. This act of listening and communicating then brings to both your attentions the problems with your relationship and the causes for it.

However, the both of you need to take the next step by finding a solution to the problem. This is the tricky part for it will undoubtedly require adjustment from both sides. However, simply making the necessary adjustments alone will not address the problem.

You need to find the reason why you are making these sacrifices. And that reason should be because you love your spouse and want to build on the relationship making it stronger with time.

Whether it is a problem with spending, or with who gets to hold the remote control, marriage problems can be weathered when faced together and worked on together. In time, an open toothpaste tube, or another fender bender won't have an effect at all on the relationship.

About the Author:

How to Easily Transform a Miserable, Lifeless Marriage Relationship into One Filled With Love, Happiness, and Excitement - Just Visit: http://www.marriage-problems-advice-help.info

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After Dating: Can We Just be Friends?
by Jane Saeman

The usual answer that your other friends will tell you is "of course not" but is this true? As with all situations, it depends on a number of variables. In this case, it depends on whether or not you both want to remain friends. Sometimes there's a history between a couple that goes back further than the dating relationship. If you are in this situation, then it's probable that neither of you want to lose the friendship even if you've found that you don't actually work as a couple.

Sometimes you date someone for a while and then you both realize that you are great as friends, but neither of you feel a spark of physical attraction and so decide to call the relationship quits, but remain friends. There are a number of scenarios like these where the relationship dissolves amicably on both sides, and both of you want to remain friends -- and if that's the case, why not? Don't listen to those who say it won't work; it'll work if you want it too. Make it work!

If, however, the break-up isn't mutual, if one of you still has romantic feelings for the other one, then remaining friends isn't a good idea. Usually one partner wants this because they don't want to hurt their partner by walking out of their life completely, while the other partner clutches at straws thinking that if they remain friends, they can win back their affection. It doesn't work that way. If you still have feelings for your partner, or you know that they didn't want to break up, then both of you have to walk away before the situation becomes an emotional mess.

What you need to consider before entering a platonic friendship with someone you've been dating is how this will affect the relationships with other people you date. There could be people who aren't happy that you are still friends with this ex partner and your ex partner could also find themselves in a similar situation. You both need to figure out what you would do if this should happen so that if the situation did arise, you both know what will happen.

It could be that you both decide to remain friends but only see each other casually if you aren't dating someone else, or it could be that you will expect anyone you are dating to accept the friendship or you're not interested in dating them. This is something that is almost 100% likely to come up with either you or your ex partner so deciding what to do about it now will stop either of you being hurt should the other suddenly break off all contact because they are seeing someone who isn't happy about the friendship continuing.

Whether or not you remain friends with someone you've broken up with isn't down to what other people think. It's about what you and your ex partner feel about the relationship. Of course the popular response is "no it can't work" but the reality is that it does work out for many ex couples so you have assess your own thoughts on the matter, and discuss it thoroughly with your ex partner, and then make an informed decision based on how you both feel rather than on what other people think.

About the Author:

Jane Saeman runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2

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Conversations That Can Change Your Life
by Maureen Collins

It is not difficult to identify the conversations that in the course of a lifetime have been crucial to the way in which our lives have progressed. In many ways, we live our lives conversation by conversation.

Relationships develop conversation by conversation. They also unravel conversation by conversation.

When you learn to recognise these crucial conversations as they come along, and when you become more competent in achieving positive consequences from them, you are in a better position to manage your life effectively.

1. Speaking up when you disagree Many of us are reluctant to speak up to disagree, especially when the disagreement is with someone more senior, older, or more experienced than we consider ourselves. We also hold back from disagreeing with people who do not like others to disagree with them!

We do ourselves a disservice. Each of us can lay claim to a unique set of data about the world and our view of it. Often it is the naive view of a non-expert or outsider that is the most valuable in finding an innovative solution to a problem.

2. Saying No

How often have you found yourself expending time, money and effort doing something that is important to someone else but has little value for you? Learning how to say no, and recognizing when to say it, is one of the most important ways in which you can protect your own integrity. Without this competency, you will find yourself at the beck and call of anyone who asks you to help them meet their goals and objectives, regardless of your own.

3. Refusing to be manipulated

Confronting a manipulative person with the reality of their behaviour is a high risk, but highly rewarding, conversation. If the manipulative person is also a bully, the conversation may turn out not to be as difficult as you had imagined. Bullies often respond very promptly and positively when someone stands up to them!

With others, you may not see an immediate change in their behaviour, but you can be sure that if your message got through at all, they will regard you with a little more circumspection in future.

4. Asking for feedback

You need feedback so you know you are on the right track. At work you need it so you can be certain that you are meeting standards, targets and expectations. In your important relationships you need to know that your behaviour is helping to build, and not damage, the relationship.

Whether at work, with friends or in marriages, you need constant feedback so you know how you are doing. You do not want to find out the answer to the question from a retrenchment notice or in the divorce court. Ask before it is too late.

5. Giving others feedback

Most of us experience times when we have to deal with someone who, in some way, drives us crazy. It might be a friend, family member or a colleague with whom we share a working space. Our first reaction is to bite our lips, afraid of a negative reaction if we speak up. Eventually however, our emotions get the better of us and we burst out in frustration or anger. The outburst does damage to the relationship and may actually entrench the behaviour. We end up worse off on both counts.

Learning how to recognise and handle these five categories of crucial conversation is vital to your ability to develop healthy relationships.

About the Author:

Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. In Straight Talk, Get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za

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