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Whispers Q & A
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Whispers is the little gal who became the official mascot of the magazine back in 1999. She really doesn't use the computer, read letters, or the magazine for that matter, but she is a very clever little lady and Canda always considers what would Whizie say or do if she had to deal with the various situations brought up by our readers. Please feel free to ask our advice on any subject you like, but remember: 'Opinions are like personalities.
Everybody has one and they are all different'.
Dear Whidspers: I don't want to be seen in public with my mom. She looks awful. Her hair is awful and she wears clothes that
nobody would be caught dead in.
My friends all laugh at her. I spend a lot of time on how I look. I think she should too. I wish some show would get hold of her and give her a makeover.
Thanks
Embarrassed by Mom
Dear Embarrassed by Mom
Some people think how they look is unimportant. Others can lose interest in their appearance because of depression, or ill-health. There are also those who are perfectly happy with the style they have adopted, and see no reason to change.
I have told my daughters many times that the way things and people look can be changed in an instant. A beautiful face can be disfigured in an accident. A beautiful home, an elegant car, an expensive wardrobe can be lost if the economy goes bad.
The first thing I would do is ask myself why my mom's looks are so important to me. How others choose to look reflects on them, not those around them. If I found that I judge people by how they dress and look, I might want to take a deeper assessment of myself.
If you are concerned that your mom is showing signs of depression maybe you should have a heart to heart with her. If you see it as a big problem try to get her to seek professional counseling or medical attention. Actually this problem, (if she has a problem), is not about you. It's about your mom. Take the time to let her know you care and are concerned about her. Be a loving daughter first and a fashion consultant later.
If she is comfortable with how she looks then the problem is yours, and only you can fix you.
Good luck with Mom
Whizie
Dear Whispers,
I have an 8 year old who is the pickiest eater in the whole world. I am concerned she is not getting proper nutrition to grow in a healthy way. Any ideas???
Signed
The mother of Picky Nicky
Dear Mother of Picky Nicky,
I was fortunate enough to have one of those clever moms who seemed to have an instinct about how to solve any problem in child rearing. She gets all the credit when it comes to getting finicky kids to eat.
I watched her turn sandwiches into butterflies. She cut the sandwiches into diagonal quarters so she had 4 triangles and then placed them on the plate with the crusts on the outside with the points coming together making a butterfly shape. Then she took a thin carrot stick and laid it where the sandwiches came together and her butterfly had a body. Sandwiches are cool because you can put anything in between the two slices of bread.
This woman could turn boiled eggs into snowmen with olive eyes and carrot noses. The best part was we could help her make them which made us want to eat them. Soup and stew was more fun to eat when it was served in a mug or an individual sized jello mold. With today's hi-tech blenders you can turn soups and stews into wonderful hot drinks. Oh, and don't forget that brocolli can become beautiful green hair. What I learned from mom was instead of fighting with a kid to get them to eat, you just had to make it a game. Children understand the wonderful world of imagination. Dinnertime can become an adventure. Remember the movie "A Christmas Story"? The mom got that little boy to eat by pretending he was a pig. Kids can learn table manners, all about what fork to use, and eating on good china, but nutrition has to take precedence over social graces. Besides that who needs the stress of worrying about what your kids are eating and not eating. What the heck, set your table with used, (and cleaned), soup and vegetable cans, or plastic dog bowls if it will peak a kids interest. Life's too short to not be fun!
Have Fun Inventing Meals,
Whizie
Dear Whispers,
hello, I have a 15 year old son, we are military dependents, so we travel around alot. Over the past few years he has became a bit time hermit with the xbox(live), and he never goes outside or plays with anyone else. He also is getting all fs in school... Please give some advice... he is a good boy though. i am just worried about him.
Signed
Worried Mom
Dear Worried Mom,
I'll bet it's really difficult making new friends when you have to move a lot. I found a wonderful site here that might help you more than I can, but I'll give it a try anyway.
Children are resiliant, but they are also prone to insecurities just like anyone. Adapting to a new neighborhood, city and even the house we live in can be daunting. When the military parent is deployed away from home children will naturally worry about that parent.
It sounds to me like he might be using the xbox as a place to escape to so he doesn't have to deal with reality, losing old friends, or making new ones. He's also fifteen so he is dealing with teenage hormones. I read somewhere that if adults had to deal with that kind of imbalance in their lives they'd go mad.
You say he's a good boy, so you've got that working in your favor. It sounds to me like you've done some very right things raising him. I'd highly reccommend getting into counseling. Maybe he'll learn to open up and find out it's okay to take risks in meeting new people, and deal with old hurts. If you're not already doing so you might want to consider doing more things as a family. It can be things like board games, family movie night, bad mitton, bowling, skating, and croquet.
Homework is a must for every school-age child. It not only helps the child, but encourages parents to be more actively involved in their child's education. Try having designated study times at the dining table where there is no television, radio, or other distracting influences. As a parent you can be a great asset in assisting your child to not just learn, but to develop a hunger for learning. Reading together is a great family thing to do.
I guess what I am trying to say is come up with things to do that are fun, but that will also create a safe place for him to interact. Get him into a regular and regulated study time along with all the great things you have already done as a parent. Every minute he is occupied away from the xbox is a minute he isn't hiding from the world.
On a personal note. I would like to thank you and your family for being a military family and for all the sacrifices each of you makes. We non-military people have no idea what you go through. We can only imagine.
You're in my prayers,
Whizie
Dear Whispers,
I work with a real busybody. She is one of those people who asks what I paid for stuff. Where did I get it. Where did i go. What did I do. At work she knows everything about everyone and spreds it all around. How do I deal with her. I don't want to end up yelling.
Signed
Had Enuff
Dear Had Enuff,
One time I asked a friend something personal and she asked me if what I had just asked her was really any of my business. I was dumbfounded at first, but then realized it wasn't any of my my business. That might seem to be harsh, and could backfire on you if you say it strongly or in an irritated way. You might consider being frank with the busybody. Tell her how her inquisitions, and participating in office gossip makes you feel. You could point out there's no room for personal business in the workplace. You could also turn it around and ask her personal questions. People usually treat others the way they want to be treated. She might be acting on a need to be noticed.
When it comes to gossip another friend of mine says something that I think is profound. She says, "I am an expert on subjects about me. I will listen if you want to talk about you, but neither one of us knows all the facts when it comes to someone else."
Good Luck,
Whizie
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Dear Whispers,
my boyfriend hurts my feelings. he never says I'm fat but always says how skinny girls are pretty. he makes this sound when I say something like im so stupid. is it me or is he rude?
Signed
sad
Dear Sad,
I don't know your boyfriend so I can't say if he's rude or not. His behavior doesn't appear to be what you'd expect from someone who thinks highly of you. He might be clueless when it comes to women, or girls, but I question why you put up with the way he acts towards you.
Is it possible that you think skinny girls are prettier than you? Do you believe you are smart, or do you think of yourself as stupid? In the final analysis it really doesn't matter what others think of you. What matters is what you think of yourself. One of the most gorgeous women I know of is Queen Latifah. No matter how thin, or how heavy she is, [physically], she's always beautiful. I also don't think there is such a thing as a stupid person. People are informed and educated on different levels. Some people are street smart and others have more of a formal education. The trick is to be okay with who you are today and strive to always be improving yourself. Self improvement should be based on what you see needing fixing, and not on other's opinions.
My guess is that the more you learn to accept youself for who you are the less likely you'll be to pay attention to what some boyfriend thinks or doesn't think. You might also end up allowing yourself to date a guy who treats you like you're as wonderful as you are.
Keep on keeping on,
Whizie
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Dear Whispers,
My problem is a teacher. He makes jokes about me in the classroom. He mimics me. I don't know what to do.
Signed
A Student
Dear Student,
I've heard of cases like yours before, so know that you are not alone. The first thing you might want to consider is talking to your parents or legal guardian. As adults they can go to the proper authority and get something done. You can also go to your school's counselor, or principal. Teachers are supposed to act like professionals and are there to educate their students. If you feel safe enough you could also confront the teacher and tell him/her how his/her behavior makes you feel. Owning your feelings is a very empowering action. No one ever deserves to be publicly humiliated, or made the brunt of a joke. We are all responsible for our actions and for our reactions. You can handle this situation very simply by letting those people who are in charge know that there is a problem.
I hope this helps,
Whizie
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Dear Whispers,
A friend of mine has two kids. They are out of control. They do whatever they want, throw things, jump on furniture, yell, scream, just be obnoxious, and she doesn't do anything. Whenever she comes to visit and brings them it's a real nightmare for me. I end up making them behave. They are quite capable of minding their manners when someone puts their foot down, so they aren't hopeless. She looks hurt when I correct them or tell them to stop doing what they are doing. I really like her as a person, but have no respect for her as a parent. She keeps coming over so maybe my getting on her kids really doesn't bother her that much. I am beginning to question whether I want her in my life.
Signed
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Sounds to me like it's time for a heart to heart. You might invite her, just her, over for lunch and then very carefully tell her how you feel. She keeps coming back so the fact that you make her kids behave doesn't insult her. She might be transferring the responsibility of discipline onto you rather than dealing with it herself. Some people are afraid of enforcing rules.
On the other hand raising her children is not your responsibility. Being her friend is, (if you choose to continue the relationship). You might suggest that she attend parenting classes, seek advice from a member of her clergy, or a professional counselor. Being honest with your friend will either strengthen your bonds or sever them completely. You really can't be a good friend if you ignore problems and allow them to flourish. All you'll end up with are resentments. Gentle honesty laced with love and concern is always the best medicine.
Here's to friendship,
Whizie
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